


Chaos Theory

by whimsicalmuse



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Filming Lord of the Rings (Movies), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-23
Updated: 2004-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:10:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalmuse/pseuds/whimsicalmuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Same universe as Soft Focus and Driftwood. Dom and Billy resolve their conflict.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chaos Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the [Monaboyd.net Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Monaboyd.net), which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Monaboyd_Archive/profile).
> 
> \----
> 
> A/N: The song “I grieve.” By Peter Gabriel played a huge part in this, thus anything in italics represents a lyric, _as well as_ a thought or dialogue. Reading this while listening to the song isn’t necessarily, but can be pretty cool. ^_^ Once again, special thanks to for the beta, and a uber-squeeze to for reading this first, and making sure it maintained semblance of sense.

 

 

The best way he could describe it was the feeling he had after a long ride on a motorbike. The sensation that was centered in his thighs: a half-remembered rumble that radiated up and out to his fingertips. That was what his one night with Billy was like. The afterglow was bitter sweet, as he drowned in the waves of burn and despair that crashed down on him the moment he heard the door close.  
  
He pulled himself from the bare room his arms wrapped around him and somehow managed to get back to London, back to something familiar and grounded. Days went by and though he hoped to beat the pain, he was more a man grieving than a man recovering. On the third day, the old lady that lived next door paused on her way out and gave him an appraising look. Her watery eyes glinted with a fire he had never seen and with a jut of her chin; she hoisted her basket of flowers and offered sage advice.  
  
_“Life carries on. Let it out and move on.”_  
  
She made her descent down the steps and into the sunshine, lilacs bobbing with her stride, and left Dom to his tears, and his plans.  
  
Two hours later he was stepping for the door, the crush in his chest and knife in his stomach at ease for the first time in days. He whispered the mantra of the old woman under his breath.  
  
_“Let it out and move on.”_  
  
_Still life carries on._  
  
The palm of his hand connected with the doorknob.

:::

The palm of his hand connected with the doorknob.  
  
Bill blinked back the scream that had lain dormant in his stomach for three days now, until he woke up with the birds, unable to deny it anymore. The words that had stung the back of his throat came crashing out and he howled them into the space of his flat.  
  
_“I can’t handle this. I grieve for you.”_  
  
_Still life carries on._  
  
His keys jingled as he shoved them in his pocket.

:::

His keys jingled as he shoved them in his pocket.  
  
He folded the stiff paper from his train ticket and shouldered his duffle bag. He settled into the seat, elbows raw against the abrasiveness of the seat’s material. He folded into himself as the train began its course. He saw his reflection in the window, shimmering down like rain.

 _“So hard to move on. Still loving what’s gone.”_  
  
He saw his reflection in the window, shimmering down like rain.  


_Still life carries on._  
  
Bill pounded his fist against the steering wheel and threw his head back against the seat. He cursed the bright day, the spring flowers, and he especially cursed the train that sped by, holding him up, preventing him from going east. Time and grief played a game of chess, and time took a pawn.  
  
_“I grieve for you.”_  
  
_“You leave me.”_

Dominic peered out the window, looking east, at the blur of green as he passed by. The flowers were in bloom, small dots of white and yellow, they were post cards from the cycle of life, a silent declaration of perseverance.

_“Life carries on.”_

A little girl giggled in the background and Dom turned his head to see her, raven pony tails bobbing as she toddled down the aisle, hands open and out, ready for an embrace.

_“Life carries on in the people I meet.”_

He turned, with a half smile, and a head full of half hope and took in the houses as he flew by. An old man was sweeping his stoop, while a fat orange tomcat sat on his hunches in the small yard, lazily appraising the man’s handiwork.

_In everyone that’s out on the street. In the dogs and cats._

He looked up at the sky, and a shadow passed over the sun. He blinked until his eyes burned and watered.

_“Life carries on and on and on and on.”_

_”In the ashes in the dust.”_

Bill sighed and stood in the middle of the floor of Dom’s flat, hands at his side. His footsteps roared against the dull wood floor as he stepped to the door to leave. An old woman gave him a look and he approached her, a question hot on his lips.

He stepped out into the sun, striding for his car. He wore a smile on his lips and carried a pocketful of nerves.

:::

He stepped out into the sun, striding to his car. He wore a smile on his lips and carried a pocketful of nerves. The train sighed tiredly behind him, coating him in a layer of exhausted and dust. Once he left the platform, a wind kicked up, blowing the dust away.

He took a familiar road, ready to begin his life anew.

Dom’s footsteps crunched against the gravel as stepped from the car. With every step he took the clouds came closer until he was bathed in grey. He slumped on the steps and held his head in his hand. A breeze caressed his cheeks, flicking a tear onto the concrete.

The shadow passed and he looked to the heavens.

:::

The shadow passed and he looked to his home.

Bill took a step closer his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Hi.”

A smile blossomed on his face and the grief melted away. Sunshine took over the day… Fate closed the board and the chess pieces fell. Love crushed them to dust. _Check mate._

Their thoughts were one in the same.

_Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream?_

_Still life carries on._

Lilacs swayed in a gentle breeze. Somewhere in the world, a butterfly flapped her wings.


End file.
